I’m going through a lot just now and still working 2 days a week. It doesn’t sound like much, I know, but as a nurse that brings its own challenges and I often find myself taking my work home with me in the respect that I always spend my nights after work reflecting on the day and what I could have done differently and where I should go next with patients treatments.

I’m a specialist nurse and plan and carry out care for my patients- I have to prioritise their needs as an individual and only get help from seniors or doctors where it’s out with my expertise.

My job, like most nurses, is high pressure and high demand. That, coupled with my personal life, is very stressful.

My mental health hasn’t been great but I’ve been holding it together as I don’t want to go off sick. Not only that but I’m barely managing financially as it is- already having to use food banks and if I go off sick I won’t be able to afford my rent.

Like most nurses, I’m not in this career for the money.. I could earn far more money doing much stressful jobs. Yes, I do often think about quitting and getting a job that wouldn’t be as stressful.. But then I remember why I went into nursing, and how much I care about helping others.

Helping others helps to distract me from the world, from my own problems. It’s in my nature to help others and as much as I complain about my job, I do love it.

Though I’m reaching a point where it’s becoming difficult. I’ve neglected myself for a long time and know I need to start looking out for my own health and wellbeing. I’m struggling to look after myself never mind others.

I need to face the reality that maybe I should be off sick.. But again that would put a burden on my colleagues, and increase their already chaotic caseloads.

I’m trying to be a full time single mum, raising a child as if I don’t work but working as if I don’t have a child to raise..

I may only work 2 days a week.. But I leave the house at 5.30am and don’t get home till roughly 7.30pm. It’s exhausting.

Couple that with my poor physical and mental health, and the monumental life events that I’ve got going on and there’s a recipe for a breakdown..

The balance is tipping and I don’t want to go off sick, and cripple an already struggling NHS. The pressures are immense.

I wanted to talk to my boss yesterday and explain to her everything that’s going on, but I try not to drag my personal life into my work life and I fear I may be judged if I admit that I’m not coping.

I’m sat in my car, preparing myself mentally for another long shift. I feel like I can’t do this, but I have to.

For now I’ll try to push through but I know the scales are tipping.